My life is way too complicated for words. Always rushing from one place to another, my life is anything but plain. From the young age of six I was always involved with some extra curricular activity. From volleyball in the summer, to basketball in spring, and softball in winter with hula in between my life was way busy. It's easy to say that I let life pass me by.
Constantly focused on getting better physically and mentally I spent most of my time either in a gym or on a field. Starting from the end of school until a dark 7pm at night was where most of my life took place each day. My sports was my life. Anything else was a secondary extra.
Since about every weekend that I can remember my time was spent rushing to and from games, even including dance recitals for hula. While my sister was spending her time with friends, I was either sleeping or at some kind of practice or game. My life consisted of school, sports, and sleeping.
Whenever my friends called me up to do something with them I always had a reason not to go because I had some kind of practice at the same time. To be honest they were getting quite irritated that I kept blowing them of for a game like volleyball. When people stopped calling me to see if i wanted to hang out or not I noticed something. I was loosing my friends over sports!
I had to make a decision. Either take out some extra curricular activities from my life or loose out on my friends. For anyone it would've been an easy decision, but for me it was not. I could not think of one time I didn't choose sports over anything else. Luckily i didn't have too. I ended up seriously hurting my arm in the summer of 2006 and had to take some major time of to recuperate.
During that time I got to "stop and smell the roses." It felt good not having to rush from one place to another. I got to spend quality time with my family and I didn't feel so tired like I normally would after a sport.
I learned to pick and choose between quality time and my hectic athletic life. I believe that you need to find the proper balance between family and your personal life. Sports will always be there as they have been for the past thousands of years, but those you love won't always be. When you have time stop and smell the roses. They'll do you more good then harm.
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Hey Kiana,
ReplyDeleteI think that your poem was really vivid due to your voice. I pictured what you were going through and felt what you were feeling. There was very few grammatical errors-not enough to take away from your essay though. I think that the one thing that could be improved is your sentence fluency. Certain parts didnt really go together, but other than that great job.
-Kaimi
Hi Kiana,
ReplyDeleteNice job on your essay. I agree with Kaimi that your reader can empathize with what you were going through. I think, however, that he could have been more specific in his comments about sentence fluency, like targeting specific sentences.
My recommendation for revision is that you include a few more specifics. What kinds of specific "quality time" did you spend with your friends and family after you were injured? It was kind of ironic that something that hurt you, athletically, actually ended up helping you to find balance in your life.
Also provide more specifics as far as the actual choices you were forced to make. Which sport or league? Which activity, did you decide to sacrifice?
Take out some of the generalization and add in the specifics and you should have an essay with greater impact and still conform to the 500 word limit.
mrs s