Dear Gentle Dental,
My family and I have always been loyal customers to your service. With great cleanliness and precision tactics your dental area has always been the one to got to. Welcomed with great kindness I never feared the dentist like other children, I thank your company for that.
But previously on December 8, 2009, I was rudely confronted. My mom and I had just arrived at the dentist when we had ran into a miscommunication between my mom and the reception lady about our insurance cards. We then had to fill out a bunch of paperwork which made me late for my cleaning appointment. After about 35 minutes of re-filling out paperwork I was taken into a room with one of the hygienist. Rite away I had to take x-rays. Once I was laid on the chair in the x-ray room, the hygienist told me to open my mouth, which I did. Then she began to stuff the x-ray plates into my mouth. "Bite" is what she told me. I did so, but at my own pace because I was trying to work the plates between my braces. This pace however was too slow for her because she then took her hand and began to close my mouth herself. I told her it hurts when she still continued to close but still she forced my mouth shut. Once the plates were in she told me in a very gruff voice to smile so that the x-ray can see my teeth. I tried smiling but the plates were cutting into my gums. "You have to smile" she said roughly. I did my best and thankfully it was soon over. However when she was taking the plates out, my gums and area of my mouth where the plates were rubbing against began to bleed. I was very appalled to see that the hygienist lady didn't even care, she just took the plates and left the room so that other dental hygienist (who was supposed to clean my teeth) could clean the mess.
All in all I was very surprised by the rudeness of the hygienist, and even more surprised when she didn't help to clean up my mouth when she obviously knew I was in pain. I only ask that you make some changes to the way your staff is ran because I really want your company to live up to it's name as the "Gentle Dental". I will still continue to go to your dental area but I surely hope some changes are made by then.
Thank You,
Kiana
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Ok good job on your draft. I like the way you described the hygenists voice as "gruff" and and then again later as "rough". GOod beggining and end, starting with the good and ending by involving the name of the place with your expirience, "I really want your company to live up to it's name as the "Gentle Dental"." I think you couldve used better words when describing the feeling of the platelets cutting your gums that would have worked better. Use words that maybe dramatize it a litle more. I dont know if its a good idea but maybe you could include the name of the person who cleaned your teeth. I dont know check with Mrs. S though. that way you can call her something other then "hygenist lady" and maybe the problem can be more directly taken care of. One last thing though add more detail of how she closed your mouth that would work. good work though over all.
ReplyDeleteGood Job Kiana on your draft. Your voice that you used was well done, "gruff voice" "rough." Good job on your examples of the problems of your situation,taking it step by step. Your voice is well spoken out. But other then your spelling and small mistakes, your draft is well done.
ReplyDeleteHey Kiana
ReplyDeleteVery good vocabulary in this essay. Im glad to see you are using much stronger and well said verbs.
How ever you have some minor errors i think that could be fixed. ""you have to smile" she said roughly" ROUGHLY coud be changed to rudely or how ever you spell it.
You might want to also add how the hygenist was acting throughout the experience like " she was giving additude while talking" or something like "she was forcing the plates in like she was trying to push an elephant into a mouse hole" haha something to explauin and show what she was doing and show how much it hurt.
Other that that good essay and good example of an angry letter. if that happend to me id be mad ;) good luck
Austin
Hi Kiana,
ReplyDeleteGood letter to state your feelings about your treatment at the dentist.
I would add in the time of your appointment, so that the recipient of the letter can track down the person responsible.
And, since the focus seems to be on your rough treatment at the hands of the hygienist, I would take out the part about the insurance cards.
I disagree with Austin about trying to exaggerate your experience. You want to describe what happened, objectively, so that the result is your audience taking action...rather than taking offense.
Be sure to find the address of the office to use in your letter and on your envelope.
mrs s